Learned Helplessness

Did you test your “courageous” muscles yet? In my last post I issued you a challenge to try to do something you feel fearful about doing. Know this for an absolute - if you don’t push past the fear you will stay surrounded by it and your life will end up being the consequence of it.


In my trial by fire that I have been sharing with you I discovered that one of the consequences of staying fearful was “learned helplessness.” That is just what it sounds like. We can be taught to be helpless. Let me explain by sharing a couple of examples of this interesting consequence of staying stuck. When a parent, lets say a mother, is suffering from depression she is still a role model for her kids. They notice what she says, how she acts and what she does or doesn‘t get accomplished. If they hear her say day after day that she can’t clean the house or do the laundry or transport the kids around because she is depressed what do you think is the message that gets communicated? You will likely see children who don’t clean their rooms, do their laundry or homework. They will learn to use excuses to not do whatever it is that don’t want to do.

Every child is different, certainly, and depression is a real issue, but the general message is that it is okay not to do what you don’t want to do if you are not feeling “up to it.” Kids don’t understand depression is a mental illness. They are also learning that it is okay not to do anything to get better. Mom needs to face her fears and begin to understand that depression is anger turned inward. Little by little she can overcome. Find a courageous muscle and start working it.