People are social animals. The proliferation of the social sites, forums and blogs certainly prove that. We would, generally, much rather go out to movies, dinner, or family get togethers on a Friday or Saturday night than sit home. The younger people are the more social they seem to be. Humans are wired like that. We need to find a mate and how would we manage to be so successful if we were seldom around other humans?
People form bonds with their beloved, their children, their close friends and their family of origin. We would hope that these bonds are healthy ones nurtured in love and thoughtfulness but that is not always the case. There are relatively few people among the billions on our planet who are really fully functioning and emotionally healthy. Knowing this, is it any wonder that when we go to family or friends for help and advice it can fall woefully short of being good for us?
Our loved ones want to give us good advice. They want to help us solve our problems. They think they have our best interests at heart. They also would really like to help you leave that guy they think is not good enough for you or that gal that just wants your money. Yes, most people have an agenda. It is probably hidden from them and they would deny it, but it is there anyway. Sometimes they are depressed or anxious themselves. That is not being cynical, but honest. If you spend any time thinking about it you would have to agree.
It is to this problem that I want to speak today. When we are having problems in our relationship, we need to discuss it and work through it with our beloved. When we go to our friends or family for help and advice we are stepping over a boundary. In psychology it is called triangulating. By putting a third person in your relationship you are lowering your depression and anxiety and upping your chance for failure.
I know people who would swear that their relationship is loving, kind and healthy and yet they are constantly talking to their best friend about their problems. I know people who pretend to want to stay married but visit a parent nearly daily to vent about all the ways their spouse continues to disappoint them.
If you want your marriage to grow and be free from anxiety and depression then make sure you don’t participate in this destructive habit. Get professional help. Join a support group. Talk to your spouse. Clear the air and work out your problems. Things either grow or die and you get to choose which way you want your relationships to go.
See my Ezinearticles for more on the subject of Triangulation and other topics: More Articles to View
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